I've had a cold for a couple weeks now and as it turns out, colds and chemo don't play nicely together. The chemo you take attacks the bad cells, but it also attacks 3 types of good cells that are pretty important. One is the white blood cells, which help you fight infection, another is the red blood cells, which carry oxygen, and lastly is the platelets, which do their clotting thing.
Since your body is being reduced of it's ability to fight infection, getting sick with even a common cold can cause havoc. They put me on antibiotics, of course, because it can quickly turn into something else when your body can't fight it off as well. But, I tell you, it got me down worse than a cold under normal circumstances. I'm still fighting a few minor symptoms and it started about 2 weeks ago.
Something I've noticed a lot lately is that when I see people I know (who know I am going through chemo) they always say the same thing, "Well, you look good!"
I suppose I should take it as a compliment, and I do try. But there's always that sense that what they really mean is "I expected you to look terrible but you don't", "I expected you to be skin and bones and bald, but you aren't"!!
And I do understand. When you think of someone going through chemo you don't picture a woman with her hair done and her makeup on going about her day like nothing is wrong.
I would say that most people, if they don't know me or what I'm going through, would look at me, out and about, and not know that I'm preparing to take my 9th round of chemo this week. I consider it a good thing. I hope that the face of cancer and chemo will change (as it is starting to) and that people who are going through it don't have to feel and look so sick.
Most days, I do feel well. But there are things going on that others can't see. My skin is not the same as it was and I would say I only have about 1/4 of my hair left. My taste buds are affected and things don't always taste good when they should. I am more tired than I would normally be and some days it seems like I just can't get enough sleep. I ache from the chemo, because it causes aches in the joints. I know these things are going on but not everyone can see them.
So, sometimes when people say "Well, you look good!" with that sound of surprise in their voice, I may not be feeling very good. But I don't complain too much because I see others at chemo who are going through so much more. I am truly blessed to have had my cancer taken care of rather quickly and that the treatments I'm going through now are being so kind to my body.
I should have started a picture diary of my progression through this. It would be neat to look at before and after photos and see the real, visible changes that having cancer and going through chemo will make on your appearance.
But, on second thought, I think I'll just go with what everyone else is saying and look in the mirror today and just say
"WELL, YOU LOOK GOOD!" :-)