THE COST OF CANCER

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You probably think from the title that this is going to be a post about how cancer has cost me my health, my peace of mind, my sanity, and so on.  But, it's actually going to be about the dollar amount, the bucks, the moolah, the funds, the dough, the bread that having cancer costs!

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I'm sure that each type of cancer has different costs because they all have different treatments.  Even in the realm of breast cancer, my costs may not be the same as someone else because their treatment was probably not exactly the same.  Some people make lots of trips to the hospital because of the body's reaction to their chemo but thankfully I did not have to do that so that reduces my cost versus someone who did have those visits.  
What I'm going to share with you is the amount, so far, that breast cancer has cost me.  

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I'm going to share two different totals with you and there's a good reason for that.  One total is the amount that was 'charged' and one is the amount that I was able to get it reduced to for being a 'self-pay' patient.  See, my family doesn't have traditional insurance.  We are part of a Christian medical sharing group that works on the basis of bearing one another's burdens.  It is considered 'self-pay' in the medical community but in actuality we submit our 'needs' and other members send us their 'share' for the month to pay those bills.  We also send our 'share' each month to a family's 'need'.  It's a great concept and we've been on it for years.  And I can tell you that in relation to my cancer, it was a God send.  Most people that go through cancer have deductibles and copays and the like.  But not with the medical sharing.  100% of my costs were covered under the plan we are in.  We didn't have to deal with the added burden of how to pay for medical bills on top of the treatments, worry, and stress that can come with such a diagnosis.  If you are tired of traditional insurance I encourage you to check out Christian medical sharing groups.  

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Now for the totals.  
The amount I have been charged so far for all services (this is doctors visits, prescriptions, surgery, chemo, radiation, etc, etc...) is $231,207.69 
The amount that I have paid so far for all of those services (because they give huge 'self-pay' discounts) is $137,886.47
WOW!! What a difference right?? And by the way, why does it have to cost so much to be sick??  I mean, here you are getting a diagnosis like that and on top of it, here's a huge bill for you!!  Have a nice day!

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Right now, I owe nothing.  All of those bills have been paid.  I do say so far, because trust me, when you have cancer the doctor visits and check-ups never end.  They want to 'keep a check on everything' on a regular basis.  And you are on prescriptions for quite some time too, or supplements because of the things your body has been depleted of.  So that's why I say so far.  


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So......what's the cost of cancer??  Alot!!  You can't afford to get cancer, literally!!! And I am sure those who have copays and deductibles struggle to pay those bills for years after their cancer treatments.  
YAY!! 
You beat cancer, 
here's your bill.  
Have a nice day!! 

MAGIC RASH RELIEF!!

Wow, it has been a while since I've added to my blog. Since my last post I've completed my radiation and had a few follow up appointments.  So far so good!!  My body and my life are getting back to a little more normal, whatever that is :-)!!

My post today isn't going to be about breast cancer.  I know some of you will find that as a relief :-)!  

It's almost hunting season here in the south and that means all the male species in these parts are preparing for it by getting their hunting licenses, guns, deer stands, and the like ready! 

My husband and son recently went out to do just that.  It's not uncommon that while they are in the woods my son would contract some type of rash.  He's prone to be allergic and they come across poison ivy, oak, sumac and other rash causing things a lot.  

Like most people, we have a variety of things in the medicine cabinet to treat such rashes.  We have sprays and ointments and creams and lotions that are supposed to dry up the rash and help with the itching.  It seems to me like most of those things take a long time to actually clear up the rash but they will help with the symptoms for a time.  

My son's rash was on his arm (and spreading to his legs a little) so it was exposed (being as it's still short sleeve and shorts weather here), and I wanted to clear it up quickly so it didn't become an issue for others catching it and so school didn't become an issue.

 

                                        this is not my son's arm, but similar rash

I did what any savvy mom would do, I googled the best remedies for poison ivy rash.  (That is what ya'll do right???)  I came across several things, of course, that claimed to work, but decided on trying a particular method because the claim was so strong, the products were on hand, and it was easy.  

And guess what????  It worked, like MAGIC!!!  Now, I don't believe in magic, but you know what I mean!  It worked REALLY well!!  Like nothing I had ever used before.  After following the directions, which I will list for you below, the rash quit bothering my son and started drying up overnight.  The next morning there was such a huge difference! It never itched again and cleared up quickly.

Here's what you need:

 Gojo hand cleaner (my husband uses it to remove grease and such from his hands after working on dirty things)

coconut oil (the kind I used you buy in a jar on the baking aisle where other oils are - any kind should be fine)

Here's what you do:

                 1.  apply some coconut oil to the affected area (if you aren't familiar with using coconut oil, then know that it will 'melt' when you rub it in)

                 2.  allow it to pull the 'pus' from the rash area for a few minutes (10-15)

                 3.  scrub the area with Gojo to remove the oils and any remaining 'pus' from the rash. rinse well. pat dry. 

                 4.  apply a thin layer of coconut oil to moisturize area after it is completely dry.

                 5.  can repeat once or twice a day while needed, but you should see a big difference within a day.  

Some additional notes:

                 - after the first application we quit putting the coconut oil on first and letting it sit.  we just washed the area once a day with the gojo and applied coconut oil after for a couple more days.  

                    -then we switched to just coconut oil for a few days to moisturize the area since the gojo will dry the area out so well. 

Here's how it works:

                   The coconut oil has a 'pulling' quality and that first application when the rash is at it's worst is when it pulls to the surface the 'pus' (or whatever you want to call it) that is causing all the trouble. (it's actually an 'oil' from the plant that causes the problem but don't want to get it mixed up with the coconut oil so calling it 'pus')

                   Cleaning with the gojo removes what the coconut oil pulls out and any remaining irritants.  

                    Applying the coconut oil after the gojo cleaning helps to moisturize the area and continue to work on the rash.  

I hope if any of you try this you will have the same success we did.  I will be using this process from now on whenever we get a rash such as this.  It worked so fast and so well.  My son had a friend over the night we did this and when he saw his arm the next day he was amazed at how different it looked.  

Thanks for reading and stay away from poison!

THE THINGS THEY KNOW

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, my main concern was and has continued to be my children.  I didn't want them to be scared or worried.  I didn't want them to have to see me sick and not able to do for them as I usually do:  cooking their meals, washing their clothes, tucking them in, playing games with them, laughing with them, reading to them, etc...  I didn't want them to lose their mom and have to grow up without me.  

God has blessed me so much and put all of these concerns to rest.  We've been able to handle this without scaring them and causing them to be worried.  I have been able to do for them as I always have in most cases, and cancer isn't going to take me out of this world right now. 

 

But, that doesn't mean that my kids have come through 'mom having cancer' without any changes.  They have seen, heard, and learned things over the past few months that I wish they hadn't had to.  They have seen my surgery wound (and now scars).  They have seen my fatigue and seen my hair get thinner and thinner.  They have seen my radiation 'markers' and the burns I now have.   They have heard me describe things to family and friends, heard the countdown of weeks for treatment.  They've learned words like 'chemo' and 'radiation' and know a lot more about what that means than I want them to.  The words flow from their mouths easily, like they've been a part of their language forever.  The first time I realized it, it made me sad.  That these things had come into my kids lives and become so routine for them.  

The good thing is that along the way, my kids have also seen, heard, and learned some good things.  They've seen my church family lifting me up in prayer, they've seen the cards that come in the mail showing concern for our family, they've seen family and friends come and bring food and gifts, they've seen their mom and dad go through this with a smile and a trust in God's will.  They've seen the love and support from those who love us.  They've heard the many, many people come up to us anywhere we may be to let us know they are praying for us, they've heard me and their dad share the amazing ways God has blessed us through this trial.  They've learned that cancer is a bad thing, but that God is so good to us, we don't have to be afraid of it.  They've learned that there are a multitude of people that love us and are there when we need them.  They've learned that God hears and answers prayers.  

 

Like almost every mom I know, I will admit that when my children came into my life, they became my world.  The love I have for them is like nothing else I can describe.  I want the very best for them and would gladly shield them from every bad thing in this world if only I could.  That is why they were my first and main concern when I found out I had cancer.  That is why the impact on them was what I was most scared about.  

Thankfully, like every other aspect of my journey through cancer, God has been right there holding them up and keeping those beautiful smiles on their faces.  He answered my deepest, most important prayers to Him, the ones concerning my children.  I can never thank Him enough.  

There are things my kids know now, good and bad, that will be a part of shaping them into who they will be and I thank God I will be here to see the results!!  

LOOK YA'LL, UNDERARM HAIR!!

Ok, so...it might be kind of strange to get excited about underarm hair, but I was.  I noticed it in the shower and I announced it to my family when I got out.  See, I haven't had any hair there in quite a while.  One good side effect of my chemo is that I hadn't had to shave under my arms or my legs in  several weeks.  But, it's coming back.  Not too much yet, but it IS coming back.
That last round of chemo I had did a number on my hair, all over!  The hair on my head got really, really thin and I ended up cutting it much shorter.  It's growing back now too.  I've been wearing more hats lately at times and I honestly don't know which is worse:  having super thin hair and having people looking at it or wearing a hat to cover it.  It doesn't necessarily bother me for people to look.
It's just that I feel like I need to be wearing a sign explaining why my hair looks so pitiful so people will know I don't usually go around with it like that :-)
Wearing hats doesn't really bother me either and it's something I do in the summertime quite a bit anyway.  But it seems to bring attention and that pitiful look you get when people can tell you've been fighting cancer.  
I have missed my eyebrows and eyelashes.  (Yes, they go too!)  They are growing back as well, which makes the eyes very itchy!!!  I've been drawing my eyebrows on but there's not much I can do about the lashes except wear falsies and no thank you!  And hey, if you've got to draw your brows on, then you may as well give them a good arch!

I started radiation a couple weeks ago.  That has been a bit of an inconvenience because I have to drive about 45 minutes one way to get there and then the radiation doesn't last but about 20 minutes, in and out.  So far, it hasn't bothered me too bad.  I started week 3 today.  I never knew it but when you take radiation they have to draw all over you and use these very sticky stickers and even permanent tattoos (just tiny dots) to help line you up and aim the radiation at the right spot each time.

With radiation, like chemo, you tend to meet the same people lots of days because you're on the same schedule.  I've gotten the chance to meet some very nice people and hear some of their stories.  

A gentleman I sat next to the other day was eating peanuts.  He offered me some and we started up a conversation.  Turns out he is 80 years old and has had prostate cancer for a while, and they just recently told him he has lung cancer.  He's getting his treatments but he told me he just didn't believe he had it because he doesn't FEEL sick.  

I asked him if they had told him that he was supposed to feel sick and they hadn't.  There are so many emotions that go along with having cancer.  Denial is one of the first. 

It's funny, before you find out you have it and you hear of others having it, it seems like the worst thing in the world. You feel so sorry for the people you hear who have it and you just can't fathom yourself having it.  As I've said before, it's the diagnosis noone wants to hear.

But, I can tell you, there are people fighting it off and doing a great job of it!  There are people who are pressing on through their treatments and carrying on with their life after treatment.  I see it all the time.  I know there are a lot of people who pass from it daily too.  Don't get me wrong, I know how serious and life-threatening it is.  

But, if you are told you have cancer or someone you know has it, don't assume it's a death sentence. Don't bow your head in defeat and think your time is up.  It may be.  It happens.  But, please don't think that just because you've got cancer, you're going to die.  People are fighting it and they are living to tell about it!  

I know, because I'm one of them!

HAPPY LAST CHEMO!!!

I recently finished my chemo!! YAY ME!!!  As I've posted before, I did not suffer from lots of the same horrible side effects that some chemo patients do.  I did have side effects, but not severe.  I know that's because I had so many people praying for me and that God shone down on me during this.  I thank Him for that.
The place where I took my chemo makes it a celebration when you complete your treatments.  You ring a bell and everyone claps and cheers and tears are shed.  You get a ribbon corresponding to your cancer 'color' and you get to write something on it and put it on their celebration tree.  They give you a certificate and make a big fuss.  I think that's very neat because it is something to be celebrated!!
My family also surprised me with a party to celebrate my last chemo.  It was so nice to have the ones who have supported me through this there to celebrate the occasion with me.

Unfortunately, my hair has continued to come out quite a lot and it is getting harder and harder to make it look like there's enough there to work with.  A big question for folks is TO SHAVE OR NOT TO SHAVE!?!?  I haven't shaved my head.  I had said from the beginning that if I developed bald spots I would, but so far it is just VERY, VERY thin.  Some days I want to shave it because of all the hair that falls off all over the place, but hopefully it will thicken up now.

Me with my certificate of completion! Hair is soooo thin, but I'm trying to mask it!

Before chemo...see that head FULL of thick curls!!

So, chemo is over! NOW WHAT?  some may ask. I will continue to go for antibody treatments every 3 weeks for another 9 months.  And soon,  I will start radiation.  That will last 6 weeks.  It's a right good ways from my home too, so I'm dreading the back and forth everyday.  I did ask my doctor how would we know the chemo did it's job.  But, there is no magic test they can give to let you know it worked.  You will know it worked when you don't develop cancer again.
I went this week for one of my pre-radiation appointments and as I type this I sit with marker drawings all over my cancerous area and tape that is supposed to keep those marks from washing away.  Turns out, they make a mold of you to do the radiation so you can be sure to be in the same position each time.  They really do try to aim the radiation just where it needs to be, which is a good thing.  And of course, there are several things I can't do and others I have to do while going through it.  Things dealing with deodorants, soaps, lotions, swimming, being in the sun, shaving, and more.  That swimming and sun thing should be fun since we are entering summer soon!
All in all, I can't complain. And it honestly doesn't do any good anyway.  Before my diagnosis, cancer was a big, scary word that I feared hearing.  And there is good reason for that. Everyday you hear of people being diagnosed and often hear of people dying with it.  It is a word that I liken to other words that have defined eras of time, like AIDS.  There was a time when that word was so prevalent in our lives.  It was what was talked about, what we heard about, what we feared.  It was attacking people and there seemed to be no way to control it.
That word, AIDS, like other words in different eras of time, has diminished quite a lot.  Things are different now. There seems to be a decline in cases and deaths related to it. People who get it aren't doomed as they used to be and many go on to live long lives after diagnosis.  We never would have thought it back when it was in the forefront, though.
I hope cancer is the next word that gets phased out of our everyday speak.  I pray they are able to treat it so effectively that to get it doesn't seem a death sentence.  I am fighting it and it isn't as scary to me as it was at one time.  I've seen, in my case, that it was removed, I'm being treated to prevent it's recurrence, and my prognosis is very good.  It hasn't been a death sentence for me.
A pain in the butt, YES!!!  But, not a death sentence.

Chemo and Colds and "You look good"

I've had a cold for a couple weeks now and as it turns out, colds and chemo don't play nicely together.  The chemo you take attacks the bad cells, but it also attacks 3 types of good cells that are pretty important.  One is the white blood cells, which help you fight infection, another is the red blood cells, which carry oxygen, and lastly is the platelets, which do their clotting thing. 
Since your body is being reduced of it's ability to fight infection, getting sick with even a common cold can cause havoc.  They put me on antibiotics, of course, because it can quickly turn into something else when your body can't fight it off as well.  But, I tell you, it got me down worse than a cold under normal circumstances.  I'm still fighting a few minor symptoms and it started about 2 weeks ago.  

Something I've noticed a lot lately is that when I see people I know (who know I am going through chemo) they always say the same thing, "Well, you look good!" 
I suppose I should take it as a compliment, and I do try.  But there's always that sense that what they really mean is "I expected you to look terrible but you don't", "I expected you to be skin and bones and bald, but you aren't"!!
And I do understand.  When you think of someone going through chemo you don't picture a woman with her hair done and her makeup on going about her day like nothing is wrong. 
I would say that most people, if they don't know me or what I'm going through, would look at me, out and about, and not know that I'm preparing to take my 9th round of chemo this week.  I consider it a good thing.  I hope that the face of cancer and chemo will change (as it is starting to) and that people who are going through it don't have to feel and look so sick.
Most days, I do feel well. But there are things going on that others can't see. My skin is not the same as it was and I would say I only have about 1/4 of my hair left.  My taste buds are affected and things don't always taste good when they should.  I am more tired than I would normally be and some days it seems like I just can't get enough sleep.  I ache from the chemo, because it causes aches in the joints.  I know these things are going on but not everyone can see them.  
So, sometimes when people say "Well, you look good!" with that sound of surprise in their voice, I may not be feeling very good.  But I don't complain too much because I see others at chemo who are going through so much more.  I am truly blessed to have had my cancer taken care of rather quickly and that the treatments I'm going through now are being so kind to my body.  
I should have started a picture diary of my progression through this. It would be neat to look at before and after photos and see the real, visible changes that having cancer and going through chemo will make on your appearance.  
But, on second thought, I think I'll just go with what everyone else is saying and look in the mirror today and just say 
"WELL, YOU LOOK GOOD!"  :-)

MR. BROWN, THE SKINNY MAN, AND A HAIRY BATHROOM

I had my 5th chemo treatment today. I have been very blessed to be one of those who isn't having major side effects. A few minor things that are not bad at all to deal with. Thank God for people who are praying for me because I know it's helping!!

When you get chemo you meet a lot of different people. Lots of nurses, of course, but also lots of other chemo patients and their family members who come with them. I love the people where I go for chemo. The nurses are all wonderful and Tommy and I love to talk to the other patients.  We are not shy about striking up conversations with people we don't know and often times they start the conversation before we can.

Some of the people I have met have really made a big impression on me and I leave with them heavy on my heart and mind.  I pray for them and several have told me they are praying for me also. 

Recently I met Mr. Brown.  In talking, we found out that he is from the same city we live in. He is a Christian man and works very hard spreading the word of God and encouraging others to serve God.  I really like Mr. Brown.  He is such a sweet man and I was blessed to see him just today and he is doing well.  (He was having his very first chemo when I met him last week.)  What stuck with me about Mr. Brown is something he told me when his family had stepped out to get breakfast.  

He told me that, even though he couldn't say it in front of his family because they didn't want to hear it, that he is ready to go if this is his time.  He's confident of his eternal home in heaven and that makes it so much easier. He said his only regret if this is his time is that he still wanted the opportunity to help others come to know God and find salvation in Him. He just feels like he has more work to do here.  

The reason this struck me so hard is that I can honestly say I haven't once thought of those I needed to witness to since I found out I had cancer. My thoughts have been on my kids, my husband, my family, my church, myself.  How would my kids get through this?  How hard would it be on Tommy?  Who would do everything I do for the church if I couldn't?  How would chemo make me feel????  Not once have I thought of helping others come to know the God that is so very good to me!!

I commend Mr. Brown so much because his thoughts have, somewhere along the way, turned to those who need to know God. God Bless Mr. Brown and I pray his treatments will be kind to him. 

Today I met a man and his wife.  I didn't get their names but he was so sickly looking. So very skinny and he was there getting fluids because he's so dehydrated.  He has no appetite and won't eat or drink because it makes him so very sick, even though he's on 3 different anti-nausea medicines.  I was so saddened by this and I talked to his wife right much because he slept most of the time.  I am praying hard for this skinny man today.  It was tough to see that he is having such a hard time with his chemo, while I sit next to him, feeling very well indeed.  

I have learned that every person's situation differs based on their type of cancer and treatment, so it's not like the skinny man is getting the same treatments as me.  But my heart hurts for him because of what he is going through. He did perk up just a bit today after getting some fluids and ended up eating a bit of apple sauce.  I pray his situation will improve.   

One of the minor side effects I'm having this past week is my hair is thinning.  It's not very noticeable to those who see me, but it is to me.  Every time I brush or comb my hair I pull out handfuls and have to sweep lots up from the floor and off other surfaces.  I can feel that it's thinning and it doesn't take as much shampoo to wash my hair.  

As I've told lots of people, I'm not going to whine (too much) about this.  Especially after meeting the skinny man today I won't complain about my minor situation.  

I can still feel well with thin hair or a bald head.  Thank God!!

Woman up!

Recently I came across this post online.....

and I like it!!! There are many, many things going on in our society that I don't like, but one that is very troubling for me is the idea of gender equality.  Not equal in that one gender is more important than the other, but society trying to make us equal in our roles. 

Thankfully, when God created us He did it with such thought and perfection that we do each have roles that we were designed to do perfectly.  Society is trying to turn women into money making leaders who don't need men!! But we were created to be help mates to each other. 

Without talking out of both sides of my mouth I want to explain that I realize there are some women who are doing just fine without a husband. In some cases, they have been cast into the roles of leader, father, supporter, worker, disciplinarian, etc.. because they had to be. My hat goes off to you ladies!! 

But I'm talking about the fact that it has become a 'BAD' thing in our society for a woman to be a housewife, taking care of her home and family and not earning any money and letting her husband be the head of the family and the leader of the home and making choices for them. 

Instead, our society seems to be pushing women into making career choices, like they 'SHOULD' be earning a living and trying to get women into almost every role that used to be reserved for men.

I, for one, don't see why it's such a bad thing for a woman to be treated as a delicate flower, a princess, a jewel!!! I think it's wonderful when a man opens a car door for a woman, warms her car up for her when it's cold, earns the money to take care of her so that she can care for the home and family, makes sure the car has gas, makes sure the bills are paid, and I could go on and on here but you see what I mean. When did it become a 'BAD' thing for women to be treated with grace and respect and love and concern???

It doesn't make us useless, or less important, or not able to do things. It just means that we have a man who takes on those things for us so WE DON'T HAVE TO!!

Some people won't agree with me but I believe it makes for better wives, better mothers, better relationships all around when we do respect our given roles. When a wife/mother has to do all the things she must do like grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, carpool, homework help, dishes, kids baths and bed routines, etc... and do all that after working a job, she is one tired cookie!!!

I just believe she doesn't have as much time and energy to do and enjoy things like intimacy with her husband, quality time with the kids, fixing meals for sick family or church members and the list goes on. 

I think society would be much better off if women were more able to care for their home and families and not have to concentrate on making money. 

I do know that one reason this shift has taken place is that more money is needed and not a lot of men can earn enough to take care of all the bills on one income and especially the way we live. We want nice houses, new cars, trendy clothes, expensive shoes, extravagant toys.....I understand because my family is there too. 

By the grace of God we have been able, through the years, to conform our lifestyle so that I can be a housewife. And I thank God that it is important to my husband as well. He sees the benefits of having a wife that is not too overworked.....because it can make us into grouchy people to live with. He sees the benefit of me being able to handle days out of school and sick days with the kids and arrangements and schedules don't have to altered around that. He appreciates that it means I can do school drop off and pick up and piano practice and tutoring and daytime school functions and grocery shopping and all those things that can be handled without his involvement.  That gives him more time to enjoy his time with the family in the evenings because we aren't having to cram all those things into the time after he gets home from work.

I know there are women who want to work and our society wouldn't be the same without them either. We do need women in the workforce!  But, if a woman desires to be a housewife/stay at home mom, let's cut her some slack society.  She is making a choice that is also good!

So I say woman up!!!  Be a woman!! Not a man!! Take on your role of womanhood and all the wonderful things that should come with it, whether you work a job or not.  

I hope one day when my daughter is reaching the age of choosing a career that she looks back on growing up with a mom who didn't hold down a money making job and that she sees the benefits our family had because of it.  I will be proud if she chooses to follow in my footsteps in that way!

Of course, she may choose a career and I will support her and applaud her and encourage her to still be a woman;  a woman with a career, a woman who was created to do certain things and to leave other things to the men in her life.  

THE DREADED PINK RIBBON

You see that pink ribbon there?  The one above?  Yeah, that one.  I don't like it. Let me tell you why.  As the pastor's wife, I have put those pink ribbons on many a person as they were coming into church in the month of October, as we celebrated Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  I've added pictures of it to power point presentations during that same month and done special programs during said month to promote Breast Cancer Awareness.  I've also given gifts with this symbol on it, and oh, how I wish now I hadn't.  I've given them to women who were fighting breast cancer and it seemed like a good idea. I thought it was the right thing to do.  Well, now that it's me in the chair, I know better!!

Not long after being diagnosed with breast cancer, I received a couple of gifts with this symbol on it. (It was near Christmas so gift-giving season was upon us :-)  And I resented it so much at the time. I felt like all of a sudden I was supposed to wear this pretty pink ribbon upon my chest to proclaim not that I was bringing awareness to breast cancer, but that I HAVE breast cancer. Much like Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter, I felt like it was a blazing symbol on my body to say, look at me!!  look what I have!!  feel sorry for me!!  pray for me!!  I have breast cancer!!  

And I didn't like it ONE BIT!!!

Pink ribbons belong to October right??  Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Oh, I'll gladly wear one then to show support of raising money for research, to show support for those fighting it, to encourage others to get their mammograms and do their self-checks.  But wear one all the time?? No! Somehow to me it seemed like it went from the ribbon being a symbol of breast cancer awareness to a symbol of breast cancer victim!

I wouldn't use my gifts. Wouldn't wear them! I was retaliating!!!  I would not pronounce to the world that I had this disease and make them look at me with pity. I just wouldn't.  And it had nothing to do with who the gifts came from. I knew those people meant well. They gave them to me as a show of love and support and thank God for those people.  But, not the gifts!  Not that pink ribbon!

Thankfully, as I've gone a little further into this life with breast cancer, I've mellowed about it a bit. I've worn one of those gifts and there's another I'll wear soon because it is jewelry, which I love, and it's beautiful!!  In my mind I'll try to say I'm wearing it with pride to express that I'm fighting breast cancer and I'm winning the fight so far. I will want to wear the pink ribbon like Superman and pump out my chest, arms stretched to reveal it, and feel like a superhero.  

But, I won't. 

I just know somewhere in a tiny corner of my heart that I'll feel like it's just a blazing symbol of what's going on in my body, displayed for all the world to see. 

WELL, THAT HURTS!!! AND THE LEARNING CURVE

Yay Me!! I made it through my surgery for breast cancer. They took out all of the cancerous lump and found nothing in the lymph nodes that they removed and tested.
And in place of it they left me with wounds that are quite painful. The first one to bother me was the port! I was thinking that it must be more painful to 'put' something in than to 'take' something out.
After a week I can say that I was wrong. The spot where the lymph nodes were removed has by far been the most painful. It has limited my mobility in my 'main' arm, the right. But we aren't going to fuss with minor details that are temporary. We are going to thank GOD for the wonderful results and move on.....

this may seem a strange picture to put here, BUT my tumor was 1.7cm, this will give you some idea....not very big to the cancer world but giant to me!

Turns out that when you find out you have breast cancer, cancer takes on a whole new form. There were so many things that I thought about CANCER and the people with it that are just not true. One thing I've learned is that the doctors aren't very concerned about the breast cancer they find. They can deal with those tumors by taking them out rather quickly. It's the chance of cancer being somewhere else and coming back...the cancer they don't know about....that they are concerned with. And it turns out that's what all the treatments are for after you have surgery.

The chemo and the radiation, all for things that may happen down the road. I thank God there has been research into what is the best way to insure women survive and don't have a recurrence. And I pray they one day will be able to find a cure for all cancers!!

Although the docs don't expect the kind of treatments I will be getting to make me very sickly, they have said I will probably lose my hair. I can honestly say that is not a major concern for me. Only that I hope is my hubby and kids won't think it's too strange. My hair will grow back and if it's the most major thing I lose from having cancer, then I am blessed.

One thing I hope I don't lose is my peace of mind. God has given me a peace about everything I have been through and will go through with this, but I mean after I'm 'cured' of this breast cancer. I hope and pray I won't spend the next 20 years of my life being scared it's coming back somewhere else. That's why they're putting me through treatments in the months to come, to avoid that right???

I was diagnosed with cancer just before Christmas and even though it's a sentiment that I've heard all my life, I can tell you it took on a whole new meaning for me this past year.  "Do not be afraid, I bring you good news!"  The angel told the shepherds this in the Christmas story and it seems like everywhere I turned this past season, there was that line. In Christmas cards, on Tv, in plays, in songs, lots and lots of places.
"Do not fear!!! I bring you good news!!"  He indeed brought me good news and so I must obey Him.  DO NOT FEAR!!

OK, God, if you say so!!!!

CANCER

Boy, it has sure been a long time since I've blogged. I went through and deleted a few of my posts too because I deleted a bunch of pictures from my google account, which caused them to disappear from my blog too. What fun is a post without a few pics right?? :-)
I'm writing today about something that I found out just before
Christmas.....I have breast cancer!
And shame on you for thinking what you are right now!!! Oh, I KNOW exactly what you are thinking because I was you, not so long ago.
When I heard someone had cancer I thought it was the beginning of their end. That they would be sickly all the time and that even if they got through it, it would come back and eventually kill them. Yes, you are thinking that too, aren't you.
Well, I have learned otherwise and quite frankly, this may be one of the reasons I'm going through this. I have already learned a lot and they haven't even done my surgery yet.
Cancer is a scary word. You don't EVER want yourself or your family to have it because it brings up awful images of frail people, with no hair, bad skin color, looking down in the mouth and just sickly!!! It brings up that scary topic....DEATH!!!
But, things are not necessarily that way anymore. I'm not saying it's good. I don't want to have cancer, but I'm also not going to let cancer become who I am. It's a sickness, a disease I must deal with, like others who learn they have diabetes, or heart trouble, or a cavity. I have it, I must be treated for it, and then I will move on with my life from it.
I don't know what's ahead but I know my cancer was caught early and it's small and the doctors don't act like it's much of a big deal. They see so much worse on a daily basis, sadly. I didn't get all good news so far, but it's not been all bad either. I've been blessed in a lot of ways already.
God has given me a peace about this and it's because I've learned through the years that I can trust Him. I'm in His hands and there are no more capable hands than His.
I've just begun this journey through cancer and it's a bump in the road I don't want to go over, but I have to.
It's a dark tunnel and I'm not sure what's ahead because I can't see. And I'm not positive of what's on the other side of the tunnel either!!! But, God is in the driver's seat and I'm strapped in and I'm smiling, because He's a great driver!!

Cleaning up the YUCK!

SORRY!! I HAD SOME PICS OF THE PRODUCTS I USE, BUT I DELETED THEM BY ACCIDENT :-)

Let me warn you that this post today is going to be a bit yucky!! So if you happen to be eating right now, you may want to stop.  It's going to deal with an issue that all parents must go through, but one that we do not like!!  If you have children you will at some point experience the gross task of cleaning up their puke :-(....yuck, gross, ewwwww! 
Whatever you call it at your house....puking, vomiting, throwing up, hurling.....it's all gross! 
And most parents have dealt with a kid who didn't make it to the correct area to dispose of their last eaten meal. My kids have puked on the carpet, the mattress, themselves, me, the floor, the shower...yes, it happens. And my kids don't even get sick very often, so I know some people have been through much worse because some kids seem to stay sick. 
So, whether it is a stomach virus or last nights mixture of burritos, watermelon, and ice cream....we must deal with it at times. Almost always at my house, the first thought when someone gets sick on something is to throw it away, burn it at the stake....jk. But seriously, what can we do when something that can't just be thrown out gets something so gross and smelly and germy on it???
I have discovered through the years some very helpful products that I'm going to now share with you. It took some trial and error and sometimes multiple things are needed for me to feel like the item in question is now CLEAN (yes, I'm a teensy bit of a germaphobe), but to me, it's worth it.

CLOTHING and/or other WASHABLE items (stuffed animals, pillows, etc...)
                   Quite by accident I have discovered a product that works great for anything that can be thrown into the washing machine. It is something that all parts of the country may not have accessible at the local store but here in these "huntin'" parts, we do! It is hunter's laundry detergent. The kind that men get to use on their clothes to remove the "human" smell from them. This supposedly helps when you're hunting, but I wouldn't know. My husband was given some of this and not long after I had some gross covered sheets to wash from a sick child. I decided to try this stuff since it removes all human smells and IT WORKED!!! YAY!!! Really, it did. Most of the time, with regular detergent, even after one or two washings, the smell of vomit would still linger some. It is just a really strong smell. But I noticed with this stuff it doesn't. Sometimes I will still run the clothes through a second time on hot with our regular laundry liquid just for a sanitizing and freshening up effect. I'm sure this type of laundry detergent can be purchased online if you don't have it locally and I'm sure there are different brands too. I'm not sure of the price because I haven't had to buy any yet. Still using what my husband was given. But because it works so well, it would be worth it to get some to keep on hand. It is super concentrated so you shouldn't have to use much and it would last a long time unless this type of thing happens very frequently at your house. 

Non-machine washable items (carpet, mattresses, furniture, etc...)
                       Not all things can be picked right up and thrown into the washing machine. That can present a problem. But I have some solutions for you. You would of course need to remove as much as you can before cleaning. I would recommend gloves or a plastic shopping bag over the hand if you have no gloves, some paper towels, and a garbage bag. Get these items out of the house asap to prevent odor issues. My next step is to get my bottle of KIDS n PETS (seen in the middle above). This is a great product that I always keep on hand. It is good for a multitude of messes and really does work. It sounds super gross, but it apparently has an enzyme in it that eats away at any remaining yucky stuff.....( I told you to stop eating:-)....I give any soiled areas a good spraying of this and just leave it alone to work it's magic for a while....30 minutes or more. The directions state you can just let it air dry or use a wet towel to blot it up. If there is a stain I will use a towel and water and work on the area. If not, I use a dry towel to blot up any liquid I can and then spray the area with a good dousing of a disinfecting spray. This is to help with the germs and again, I let it do it's stuff for a while....30 minutes or more. Usually this has taken care of the smells but I will spray another light mist of the KIDS n PETS and then let it air dry, just to make sure anything that soaked way in can get taken care of. That's the good thing about this product, whether it is puke, pee, or other accidents, this stuff will actually get rid of anything left instead of just covering up a smell. Again, you will have to look for this at your local store or order online. It's great stuff. 

OTHER TIPS
         1. If you are sensitive to the smell of vomit, it is a good idea to get some face masks. These can be picked up at a dollar store in a pack of about 10 and will help if you have to clean up something really gross and smelly.
         2. Febreze (seen above)...this is something great to use on furniture, mattresses, stuffed animals, carpets, and any other soft thing that need freshening up.  Sometimes I will use this the next day or a few days later on spots just to make sure it doesn't smell.
          3. Some would think it's over-kill but remember I'm a bit of a germaphobe, so I will get out my steam mop and use the carpet attachment (just let's it roll over surfaces) and steam any mattresses, furniture, or carpet that has been thrown up on. Yet another way to deal with germs!!!
           4. If needed I use my carpet cleaning machine  on carpets, furniture, and mattresses. Just an extra step of cleaning if I feel it needs it. 

When someone is sick, it's a bad thing. My kids always apologize for getting sick on anything, when it happens because they know I don't like to clean it up. But, as a mom, I understand they can't always help it. For me, once my child is cleaned up and doing better, the next thing is to get the germs and smell out of the house as fast as possible. The products I use work and I hope if you try them they will help you too.

Now, gross talk over for a while...you can get back to your snack!

The Games we Play

Our house is a fun one. We like to play! My daughter prefers dolls and Polly pockets, my husband...sports, and my son...games! All kinds of games...board games, sports, and especially video games. We have a Wii and a Wii U at our house, along with all the attachments and gadgets, and of course....Wii games...lots and lots of Wii games. At last count, we have about 50 games! 

Without proper organizing, those games could really get out of control and it would be really hard to find the one you want when you want it. We found all too soon in our Wii ownership that placing the game discs neatly back in the cases after playing them was not going to happen very often. 

So, I came up with a system to organize them and still have them easy to find and easy to put away. I purchased a zip-up CD case that was able to hold lots of discs, about 100 I think. Next, I gathered all our game discs and a permanent marker. I removed the discs from the cases and went to work numbering each one. I numbered the disc, the case, and the CD slot with the same number. Assigning each game disc a number makes it easy for us to know where to put the disc back when we're done with it. It also makes it easier to locate the case if it's needed. 

Game #12 looks like a fun one!

In addition to marking the front of the case, I marked the edge of the case with the number also. Because I opted to keep our game books in the original cases I wanted to file them away where we could get to them if needed.  

This system has worked very well for us and kept the games in much better shape than just throwing them in a basket (which is what was happening before :-(  

Neatly arranged on the shelf :-)

                             Easy to flip through and find the game you want!

Of course, we had to jazz up the front of the case too :-)

There you have it....a better way to organize all those game discs. This system would work well for any collection of discs that needs organizing....computer games, CD's, DVD's. And it's a great way to save space. This nice little case that zips up and files neatly away is much smaller than all those cases. 

Now, if you will excuse me...#27 is calling my name :-)

Teaching My Kids to Pray

Prayer is an important part of my life.  I talk to God on a daily basis, several times a day. Sometimes it's to thank Him for all that He has blessed me with. Sometimes it's to ask Him to meet a need. Sometimes it's to petition Him on behalf of other's needs. He is always there and always listens. I know He cares because He loves me. 

It's important to me that my kids know how to pray too. I want prayer to be a part of their life and for them to know that they can go to God with their needs and trust Him to do what is right. I've found that with prayer, like a lot of things, it's best to lead by example. When a need arises in our home, we pray about it. If one of us gets hurt or is sick, we pray for them. Whichever of us takes the kids to school for the day, we pray for them on the way there. We pray openly at home and that is also the style of prayer at our church. The point being...our kids see and hear us praying. Praying for them, for ourselves, for others. And they are learning what prayer is all about.

It's become common for them to tell us of needs they hear about during the day and pray for those at night. We have a nightly routine before bed of gathering together either on the couch or in one of the bedrooms and praying together. We start out with the "Now I lay me down to sleep" prayer and then each take turns praying our own prayer too. We also each thank God for something from that particular day. With kids, you never know what you're going to get...like "thank you God for the 2 hour delay from school this morning" ;-) or "thank you God for my toys"....but that's ok. God hears them and I believe He appreciates them thanking Him for the things that are important to them. And trust me, when I say that nothing will melt your heart like your 4 year old praying out loud for you....as in "help mommy's head to quit hurting" or "touch Daddy's back"...so sweet. 

And we are quick to point out when God has heard and answered prayer and thank Him for it. It's not that we want them to think they can take their "wish lists" to God and He will grant their requests. It's not like that. We just want them to grow up knowing that prayer works and it is something they should do. And we don't skimp on it when we have overnight guests either. Cousins or friends, whoever they have staying over is included in our prayer time. They don't always pray with us and that's ok. The good thing is that our kids are learning to pray comfortably in front of others. 

I can only hope that my kids will continue to value prayer as they grow up. It is a comfort to be able to go to God and tell Him anything and know He hears. I pray for my kids daily and I love it when they pray for me. And I'm sure God understands if they, every once in a while, thank Him for chocolate milk ;-).

GET RID OF GNATS!!!

I loathe gnats! No kidding. They are so aggravating and getting a few in the house is really annoying! They won't stay out of your face, or your food! And if you happen to have some fruit around they really get crazy. In my search for something that would rid these tiny pests from their favorite place, my kitchen, I came across something that actually works pretty well. You probably have the couple of ingredients it takes to put this together right in your cabinet. Simply take a small bowl and pour some apple cider vinegar in the bottom of it. Add a couple of drops of dish liquid and give it a little stir. Set this simple concoction around in the room where you're seeing the gnats. I usually just set mine right on the kitchen counter. Apparently the vinegar attracts the gnats and the dish liquid prevents them from being able to get out and they die there. Change as often as necessary.

There you have it. Pretty simple and quite effective.    

DUCK DYNASTY PARTY

Our church recently had a Fall Festival. Looking for something a little different than the norm this year, we picked a theme, Duck Dynasty. In a rural area like ours, where hunting and camo are common place, the hit show is popular among our church family. We had a few ideas but needed more so I set out on a search for some Duck Dynasty games, food ideas, decorations, and prizes. I went to the internet of course :-), but with little success. I ended up combining some of our own ideas with a few from my search and we had a great Ducky Dynasty themed event. I am hoping it will help to share these ideas so that anyone else hoping to host a party with this theme will have some ideas. 

                               My two kiddos as Willie and Jase

DUCKY DYNASTY GAMES
Duck Call Making - turns out you can turn a straw into a pretty good duck call. all you need is straws and scissors. if you google making a duck call from a straw you can get step by step instructions on making them. (sorry, if i was a good blogger i would have the link for you wouldn't I?). we used those bigger milkshake straws and with just a point cut in one end and some practice blowing in it, we had lots of great duck sounds! warning:  they get addictive and you get kinda tired of hearing them after a while :-)
Duck Hunt - a great family at our church took on this game and did a wonderful job. they stacked some hay bails and then put balloons that had a duck stenciled on them in front of the hay. the kids used a BB gun (yes, an actual BB gun, I told you we live in the country!! there were adults helping with every step so it was very safe!) to shoot the balloon. they used helium for the balloons and tied candy bags to the bottoms of the balloons to hold them in place, but I believe you could easily pin the balloons to the hay, too. as an alternative to the BB gun because I know that won't work everywhere, you could use darts to bust the balloons. As an alternative to the balloons you could stencil ducks onto something else (say milk jugs??) and shoot them with nerf type guns.
Go Fish - we went with the traditional game here. we put up a barrier, decorated it like a pond with some artificial trees and plants around it and put someone behind it with prizes. the pole was just a large stick with some string and a clothespin on the end to clip the prize "fish" to.
Lawn Mower Races - on one episode of Duck Dynasty they had a lawn mower race so we gathered together a couple of toy lawn mowers and made a "finish line" with some streamer and viola! instant race! the toy lawn mowers we had were the type that kids push and bubbles come out, but we didn't use the bubbles of course.
Frog Hunt - had a couple of ideas for this so i'll share them both. we were planning to hide frogs and have the kids hunt for them "egg hunt" style, but our festival was at night so that would have been difficult, even with flash lights. soooo, we created a pond using a sled. i put in some water, added some cocoa powder and maple flavoring to make it "murky" and added some toy frogs from the dollar store. they were different colors so that's how we did the prizes..find a pink frog = 1 candy, orange frog = 2 candies, etc... you could use something different to make the water dirty looking and murky but i just used what was on hand. caution here: i would use something without sugar so there is no "sticky" and have a couple of towels handy to dry hands.

Bustin' Beaver Dams - this game was a little tricky to get figured out but we knew we wanted to do it because it is one of Phil's favorite things to do on the show. i printed a beaver picture out and glued it to the front of a small box. we tilted some sticks and limbs around the box and then let the kids use "tnt" baseballs to bust the beaver dams. gave them 3 chances.
Football - because the Duck Dynasty clan has a family history in football we wanted to add that to our festival as well. we ended up with two football games, both centered around throwing the football. one was a board that had holes cut in it to throw the football through. the other one was a duck decoy hanging from a string and the kids threw a football to try and hit the duck. they enjoyed both.
Candy Guess - this is just a take on a popular "guess how many candies are in the jar" game. most fall festivals use candy corn but in line with our theme we went with nerds candies, since Phil likes to call people that sometimes :-) the nerds are small so we used a small jar and had over 1200 in there!!
Costume Contest - we encouraged anyone that wanted to, to dress up as their favorite Duck Dynasty character. we had 3 judges and gave out a prize for each age group's winner.

                                                  all the kids had lots of fun!!!!!

We gave out candy and prizes at the festival. We actually found some Duck Dynasty candy at our local Walmart but I was told at the local party supply store that there aren't any Duck Dynasty party supplies available right now (though I have seen some out for Christmas), we decorated with anything camo we could find and bought some Duck Dynasty gifts for the costume contest winners (calendar, cups, poster). We did not do anything different with our food and served the regular hotdog/hamburger fall festival food with plenty of sides and desserts.  If you really want to go all out Duck Dynasty style you could serve fish, duck, frog legs, crayfish, etc... but the kids might not enjoy that :-)

There you have it! That's how we had a Duck Dynasty themed party and the kids really enjoyed it! Feel free to add your other ideas to the comments section below to help out others looking for ideas.

MY NO-IRON SECRET

I have a confession to make....I hate ironing!! I know, I know, not much of a confession right? Most women don't like to iron clothes. And yet a lot of women do it, a lot!! I mean, we don't want ourselves or our families to go out with wrinkled up clothes on do we?? 
As a pastor's wife, I have the task of picking out my hubby's clothes and having them ready for services on Sunday. Actually, I get all of our clothes ready for Sunday. Where would this crowd be without me?? But, back to ironing....
I, of course, want my husband to look nice when he is on the platform in front of people, preaching God's word. But, that's hard because did I mention....I hate ironing!!  Several years ago I discovered the product "Downy Wrinkle Releaser". Tried it, liked it, because it does actually work pretty well. But, the downfall is it's expensive. I think the last time I bought a bottle it was like $7 or something. Crazy!
One day when I had run out of said wrinkle miracle elixer, I decided to try just a spray bottle of water. I figured if I could smooth the wrinkles and then let the garment dry, it might work. And guess what???? IT DID!!! YAY ME!!!!  
Now, here's another step to my no-iron secret that is an important one because for most garments this step will mean you won't even need the spray bottle. 
Once I've picked out the clothes I need "ready" then I put them in my dryer with a damp washcloth. I set the dryer for 40 minutes and then let the clothes tumble with the washcloth for maybe 5 minutes. I set it for 40 because I want it to use high heat for this and my dryer (most probably do) does a cool down at the end of the drying time. Pull the clothes out quickly and hang them up. Most will be virtually wrinkle free.
Some items don't work this way. Or parts of some items will need more help. For instance, some shirts, skirts, and dressed will "curl" up around the bottom. For any pieces that still have wrinkles, I mist them with water and use my hands to smooth out wrinkles or shape collars or cuffs as they need to be. If left hanging to dry like that it will work. 
I realize this method requires some forethought on what you're going to wear. That is just part of who I am to plan ahead so it works great for me. And it means I don't have to iron. Most days I don't have to worry about this but for certain clothing items or for days like Sundays when you're wearing dressier clothes, this system has proven it works for me.
I often get complimented on how well dressed and neat my husband is because most people know it's me getting the clothes matched up and ready that makes it so. I just smile and say thank you! It's my little secret right?? :-)