THE DREADED PINK RIBBON

You see that pink ribbon there?  The one above?  Yeah, that one.  I don't like it. Let me tell you why.  As the pastor's wife, I have put those pink ribbons on many a person as they were coming into church in the month of October, as we celebrated Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  I've added pictures of it to power point presentations during that same month and done special programs during said month to promote Breast Cancer Awareness.  I've also given gifts with this symbol on it, and oh, how I wish now I hadn't.  I've given them to women who were fighting breast cancer and it seemed like a good idea. I thought it was the right thing to do.  Well, now that it's me in the chair, I know better!!

Not long after being diagnosed with breast cancer, I received a couple of gifts with this symbol on it. (It was near Christmas so gift-giving season was upon us :-)  And I resented it so much at the time. I felt like all of a sudden I was supposed to wear this pretty pink ribbon upon my chest to proclaim not that I was bringing awareness to breast cancer, but that I HAVE breast cancer. Much like Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter, I felt like it was a blazing symbol on my body to say, look at me!!  look what I have!!  feel sorry for me!!  pray for me!!  I have breast cancer!!  

And I didn't like it ONE BIT!!!

Pink ribbons belong to October right??  Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Oh, I'll gladly wear one then to show support of raising money for research, to show support for those fighting it, to encourage others to get their mammograms and do their self-checks.  But wear one all the time?? No! Somehow to me it seemed like it went from the ribbon being a symbol of breast cancer awareness to a symbol of breast cancer victim!

I wouldn't use my gifts. Wouldn't wear them! I was retaliating!!!  I would not pronounce to the world that I had this disease and make them look at me with pity. I just wouldn't.  And it had nothing to do with who the gifts came from. I knew those people meant well. They gave them to me as a show of love and support and thank God for those people.  But, not the gifts!  Not that pink ribbon!

Thankfully, as I've gone a little further into this life with breast cancer, I've mellowed about it a bit. I've worn one of those gifts and there's another I'll wear soon because it is jewelry, which I love, and it's beautiful!!  In my mind I'll try to say I'm wearing it with pride to express that I'm fighting breast cancer and I'm winning the fight so far. I will want to wear the pink ribbon like Superman and pump out my chest, arms stretched to reveal it, and feel like a superhero.  

But, I won't. 

I just know somewhere in a tiny corner of my heart that I'll feel like it's just a blazing symbol of what's going on in my body, displayed for all the world to see.